May is Mental Health Awareness Month
Do you know someone who had a baby within the last year (or even two!)? Let this be your reminder to check in on them and see how they are doing.
According to Postpartum Support International, as many as 1 in 7 moms and 1 in 10 dads experience depression and/or anxiety symptoms during the postpartum period.
Bringing home a baby can be a stressful time. New parents are often overtired, overwhelmed by advice and conflicting ideas on the “best” way to care for their little one, and scared that they will do something that will negatively impact the health or wellbeing of their new baby.
Birthing people are also adjusting to drastic hormonal changes during this time, in addition to healing from birth and experiencing milk production (which can be uncomfortable or even painful). Having a new baby at home can also be extremely isolating.
What can you do to help your neighbors, friends, and family who have welcomed a baby into their home? The possibilities are endless! Here are a few ideas of ways to help out:
Offer to bring a meal, snack, or even just coffee. New parents have a lot going on and should not be "hosting" visitors.
If you are able to offer your time to help out around the house, remember that you are there to take care of them, so that they can take care of their baby. You should not be holding baby while they get chores done - they should be snuggling baby/napping/eating/showering/resting while you help with dishes, meal prep, vacuum, tidy, do laundry, take out the trash, play with their other kids, etc.
When you ask how they are doing, just listen - even if there are moments of silence try to just wait for them to share more, rather than jumping in with your own thoughts. Most parents will initially share their default response to “how are you doing” but will only share further if they feel safe and that they are truly being listened to.
Help to normalize what they are going through.
Unless directly asked, don't offer advice. They may just need a safe place to talk through their experience and ideas in order to make their own decisions.
If you have your own children but it’s been a while since they were babies, expect that things have changed a LOT. Do your own research about new guidelines and best practices. Avoid reminiscing about “the good ole’ days” unless it’s to talk about how much things have improved and how you wish you had known then what they know now.
When I meet with a new postpartum family for the first time, I always give them two copies of the Perinatal Mental Health Discussion Tool (found at www.postpartum.net) and tell them to go through the list in private and make a tally mark next to any of the symptoms that they are experiencing. I suggest that they repeat that every two or three days to help them discover any trends and observe if they are making enough tallies for them to seek mental health support (which varies by person).
I recommend that they complete that process in private so that they don’t feel any pressure from those around them. I tell them that they don’t have to share their responses with me or even with each other, as that can influence them to respond differently than how they are truly feeling.
If you or someone you know is experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety, seek help today. It can often take days or even weeks to find a provider, and you deserve to feel better asap.
PSI has a helpline which offers local resources, encouragement, and information. Reach them by calling 1-800-944-4773.
If you feel that you may harm yourself, your baby, or others call 911.